So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
