If i could tip my vagina, i would.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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