I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
