17 year olds will be the death of me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
