Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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