You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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