You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
