I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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