we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize