What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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