had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
