He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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