I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
