we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
