a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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