We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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