I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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