I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
