I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
