tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
