Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
