All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
