are you so shy because you have an std?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
