i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
