I am puke
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I checked into jail on foursquare
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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