hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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