What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Randomize