I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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