so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
