Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
