Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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