she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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