Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
