Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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