Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
