this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
