Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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