I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
