I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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