I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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