I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
