Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
