her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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