then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
porn star boner night. come get it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
