i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
And then he peed in my hair
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