if you like me you must not know who I am
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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