So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So squirting runs in the family.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
