im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
