no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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