i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
