I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
