fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
