Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
