It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
