His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
