I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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