I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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