one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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