I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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