Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
