Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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