My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize