Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
