summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
