I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
