I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sex in the backyard? Check.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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