I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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