so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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