you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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