I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
