she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize