I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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