Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
