Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i've created a new STD.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
