called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
