The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
