nut hugger
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize