if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
