we're chasing vodka with high fives
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
