So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
