Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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