i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
